no place like

I used to have a ritual.

On Saturday mornings I would buy a big bunch of flowers at the Lakeshore farmer’s market. Then, when I was done putting away all the rest of my spoils, I would put on some music and spend a good long time arranging them. I am certainly no florist and most of the time my flower arrangements are kind of sloppy and lopsided but I would take the time to do this anyway, every single week. Because I liked the process. Because I like thinking about which stem to place where.

Now, we haven’t had flowers in our house for months.

At the beginning of the year P and I both made a resolution to use our flexible work schedules to pursue more travel. This year, we’ve been up and down the whole state of CA. Back and forth between the east coast and the west. To CO and Portland, and finally, this past week, to Paris. I intended to use this place as a journal for all of our adventuring, but when the time came, I was too busy to ever actually update.

While I feel very fortunate that we’ve had the opportunity for all these adventures, I have to say I’m ready to come home.

I miss arranging my flowers. I miss the Lakeshore market in general most of all. I miss getting a coffee and walking by every stand, seeing what’s freshest and most beautiful before I decide what to take home. Even after all that travelling I still think Lakeshore is the best farmer’s market in the whole entire world.

I miss writing songs with P. Running the lake in late afternoon when everyone’s just getting off of work and Oakland turns into a carnival of people. I miss the Alameda antique fair. I miss my kitties. I miss cooking dinner in my own kitchen, humming to my favorite songs and drinking a glass of wine. I miss the satisfaction of being here, in my life, and knowing that this is exactly what I chose for myself and that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I want to tell you about all the places I’ve been this year, but first, I felt like I needed to pay tribute to all the beauty and abundance that exists right here.

Thank you for listening.

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jet lag

I struggle a lot with the idea of authenticity. To me, something is only golden when it is truly authentic and genuine. That’s why I have posted approximately 2 words on this blog in the past year. I can’t stand the idea of saying something inauthentic. I see it everywhere online; from my friends posts on facebook to the well-manicured and maintained blogs that people make a living off of, when someone is not being their true authentic self in their online posting it appears to me to be glaringly, glitteringly obvious.

I have just returned from a weeklong vacation in Paris, and I know that I have genuine and authentic observations to share on this experience. I just can’t formulate them into coherent sentences in my jet-lagged mind right now. But I will.

And in the meantime, I’ll tell you this: coming back from Paris has only seemed to make the inauthenticity I so often observe seem even more glaringly obvious. Perhaps this is only because my experience of Paris was that of a traveler, and when we’re traveling, when we’re looking in at a culture from the outside, doesn’t it always seem so much more authentic?

Either way it is 4 in the morning in Oakland and I am wide awake, my brain still believing that it’s 1 in the afternoon and not quite yet ready to let go.